The job

September 6th 2007

Hello people,

I don’t think I mentioned I actually met my maybe-boss earlier this week. In fact, I think I might even start calling him my boss now. Even though I still have no contract, no idea if (and what) he intends to pay me and know nothing more about the project, I have apparently been attributed the local equivalent of a head of physical production and an art director. Most importantly, he told me I would get to pick a script, have all the time to prepare my shoot and be given the freedom to innovate. (IlovehimIlovehim.)

Although said head of production said there are no scripts available at present – just a little Greek setback – I was once again in love with this country. That was until today.

I had an appointment at 1 pm to meet said head of physical production at the office so she could give me more info on the job. Remember the long climb to Athens? This time I thought I’d try an alternate route: the freeway. That meant a longer route, but I wouldn’t need to switch transportation means 4 times, which might gain me some time, however it also meant paying about 8 or 9 dollars’ worth of tolls. Yes, in most European countries you pay for the right to use the freeway. Don’t tell anyone in L.A., they might get some ideas. Anyway, my time is definitely worth 9 bucks, I thought.

The head of physical production was a very friendly woman, by the way – I did meet her on the same day as my boss, during a short visit to a location set where they were shooting the current episode of the show. I also got to observe the local way of working on set – but I’ll come back to that.

When I arrived today at the office, 10 minutes before 1 pm, (and by the way, it took me just as long as the other route, namely 1 hour) I was told that the head of physical production had unexpectedly been called on set, and would probably not be back for several hours. Did I mind waiting? I most certainly did, though I expressed it in more diplomatic terms, and asked when exactly her departure had occurred. Oh, about ½ hour before I got there. Silently raging, I calculated I could have turned around halfway there had I only been given a courtesy phone call. Trying to convince myself that this was a showbiz thing and not a Greek thing, I picked up a couple of scripts they gave me to read – no to select from, as they had already been shot, but to “get an idea of what they were doing”, and took another hour to drive back home.

Now, about that set. Sorry, the former sound person in me is going to take over for a short while.

It was in the centre of Athens, one of the noisiest locations you could imagine. However, inside the little bar where they were shooting it didn’t sound so bad. I have no idea what the sound guy was picking up, though, especially as the boom operator looked about 12 years old and was holding the boom with one hand, the other one on his hip, wearing no headphones and constantly changing his grip on the boom (angled haphazardly at whatever struck his fancy) while the actors were speaking. The sound guys will get it.

Of course, everyone was smoking.

I was asked to be a background actress, in a prominent position – but as soon as they realized I didn’t smoke, I was promptly relegated to the back and replaced by a smoker. When I asked the producer’s assistant (the brother of another friend of mine, as it turns out), whether there was any chance of banning smoking on my set, he chuckled. I would be lynched, he said.

Oh, how I look forward to more smoke-shrouded sets… No wonder most Greek TV shows looks alike: the same universal pall of cigarette cloud hangs over them all.

But the best part was the director.

Director: “How long do we need to switch scenes?”
Makeup: “5 mn.”
Hair: “We need to straighten her hair, so 20 mn.”
Director: “20 MINUTES?! WHAT IS THIS? WE CANNOT WORK LIKE THIS, PEOPLE! THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE! THIS IS RIDICULOUS!!”

Etc., etc. The ranting went on for almost 5 mn, during which a lot of hair and makeup could have been done. They ended up not changing scenes after all, so the actress’ fake blonde hair remained aggressively fake-curlicued throughout my time on set.

Director: [After rehearsing same 5 sentences 4 times, to actor] “Do you have it?”
Actor: “Yes.”
Director: “You’re ready to shoot this?”
Actor: “Yes.”
Director: “Are you sure?”
Actor: “YES!!!”
Director: “OK. Action.”

After the 2nd sentence, the director, who had remained hidden at the 3 actors’ feet throughout the scene, (no doubt he could pick up more of their deep felt acting from there than he could have standing at their level or watching the monitor – we all know what delicate instruments feet are), the director jumped up from his hiding place yelling “Cut!’

Director: [spitefully, at same actor] “You see? You didn’t have it! You didn’t turn your head right on the 2nd sentence! Let’s rehearse this again!”

At which point, I decided I had seen enough and headed out of there.

I make a solemn promise to you people. I will do my best to make my Greek set work the US way: efficiently, politely, and professionally (at least in most cases). Even if they try to lynch me for it.

SOME FEEDBACK ABOUT THIS NEWSLETTER:

Nicolas P:
Hi little cousin, I have read everything you have sent to me those last weeks and my belly still aches (so much I have laughed). Anyway, it seems that you are starting to make your way ! Remember that Hell is a boring place, Greece is better (lot of fun and shouting...)

Ari S:
I love it, You should also start the way we did on Tremors by singing the US National Anthem.

Wes K:
It's nice to know that we, even with our somewhat limited USC experience, have as much skill or more in directing. Your story reminds me of working on a Starky set where the 'director' gave the following direction to her actress: "Next time, can you not suck so much?"

Ramjasha R:
Are you sure you haven't left Hollywood? You sound like you were on a standard Craigslist Sony pd150 shoot to me.